Comments on: Flash Fiction | Our WIP

By: KSK

KSK — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 02:29:55 +0000

Such imaginations, my friends. First of all, kudos. I have to say, I’m pretty impressed with some of the twists you came up with–everything from a MacGyver-esque escape to having Lauren cut her own hand off (almost) to, well, drowning her in the frigid river waters (not all stories can have happy endings).

All of the submissions are worthy stories, and they each took a turn that I hadn’t thought of the way you did. But, as all things like this go, I had to choose.

But, I had a hard time choosing one. Instead I narrowed it down to two that I think were a little closer to the mark for me in terms of narrative, style, and imagination. Those two are Jake Chism’s submission and Cory Clubb’s.

Now, here’s the deal…I’m split dead even between them. But, I have a solution: I’m going to let the rest of you judge between your two fellow storytellers.

We’ll do it secret ballot style and I’ll be the tie breaking vote. Read the two story segments then email me (kevin dot kaiser@creativetrust.com) with your vote: JAKE or CORY. I’ll compile the results and make the announcement tomorrow.

You guys rock. I’m glad you all have decided to work at your craft and are putting your stuff out there.

Looking forward to your votes. Be heard. We can’t keep these guys hanging for too long. : )

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:15:55 +0000

Lauren braced herself on the dashboard and, gritting her teeth, released the seat buckle. She dropped with a grunt, rocking the car precariously. She froze again, her heart in her mouth, and waited for the car to still. Finally, taking a deep breath, she leaned towards the man, reaching for his ankle.
As her fingers wrapped around the man’s leg, she heard a groan. He was alive? Well either way, she had to get the key. She tugged hard, eliciting a cry of pain from the man.
“Help! Please, help me!” he said, accent thick
Help him? The man tried to kill her!
“Why would I help you? You tried to kill me, and even now I’m likely to die because of you. Why should I help you?”
“I have the key. Please, I can help you, but you have to help me first. I have a family. They need me. ”
“And you think my family doesn’t need me? This is ridiculous. Just give me the key, you creep!”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to kill you, but I had to protect my family. Please, will you help me?”
The man did seem truly upset. But then, he was dangling upside down from a car wreck only seconds from certain death. Could she trust him? She didn’t really have a choice, did she?
“Ok, I’ll help you. Give me your hand!”
The man reached up his hand and Lauren took it, pulling him up slowly. The man groaned in pain, but helped lift his weight as much as possible. At last he lay across the hood just in front of the window screen, exhausted and in pain, but no longer upside down.
“I need the key, I can’t reach your foot while I’m chained here.”
The man nodded slightly and reached into his pocket, pulling out the key.
“Here, take it.”
Lauren took the key and unlocked the chain. She was free! She leaned across and broke the shard of windscreen that anchored the man to the car.
“What is your name?” she asked the man. “Who are you?”
“My name is Mikhael, why do you ask? I am no one, a phantom of the night. I ask no questions and answer none, I just try to stay alive and keep my family alive.”
Lauren paused, feeling a twinge of guilt for what she was about to do. She squashed the feeling, reminding herself that this was a dangerous man. If he didn’t kill her, he would kill someone else.
“I ask because I want to know the name of the man who tried to kill me. I want to know the name of the man..” she trailed off slightly, then looking straight into his eyes she finished “I killed. Goodbye Mikhael.”
She pushed him with a bitter violence that surprised even her, standing stooped through the screen to watch him fall, rocking the car violently as she did so. Mikhael cried out in fear, the sound echoing through the valley before ending abruptly at the water’s edge. He was gone.
But his wasn’t the only fall. Lauren had rocked the car too far, and it teetered wildly for a minute before plunging down the hill side. Lauren was pushed back in her seat by the momentum. She had no time to get out, though she tried. The car flew over the small bank at the bottom and plunged into the lake’s dark waters. She was still chained. How was that possible? She had unlocked it with the key the man gave her.. the man.. Mikhael..

[i]What have I done?[/i]

By: Arisia

Arisia — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:13:46 +0000

Fighting to stay conscious, Lauren held still until the pain in her hand subsided to a low roar. It took long enough that she began to panic. She had to get out of here!

She wasn’t thinking clearly enough to realize what would happen if she succeeded in unbuckling her seat belt. She just bull-doggedly worked at it with her good hand until it gave, which of course plunged her down onto the steering wheel. The car was tilted toward the passenger side, and she slid rapidly in that direction until the handcuff stopped her. With most of her weight hanging from her broken hand, she immediately passed out.

A gentle breeze lifted a lock of Lauren’s hair from her face. She felt so tired, she barely stirred. Her eyes opened a slit and she groggily watched a humming bird thrust its long beak into a honeysuckle flower. There was a humming in her head, or was that the humming bird’s wings going so fast she couldn’t even see them?

A dark thought trickled into her mind. There had been something … something about a car. The memory of the accident burst into her awareness, and her eyes flew open wide. She found herself lying on the bank of the gray water.

The car! She looked up and found it perched against a boulder above her, just where it had landed after her violent exit from the road.

The man! Where was he? She looked frantically all around, but saw no one. He was no longer on the hood of the car.

She got shakily to her feet. Then she noticed the handcuff was gone. Her swollen hand still had the marks of it, but it had vanished.

Who had freed her? Was it the man? Was he alive after all, and about to continue with his original plan?

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:14:00 +0000

AHHH! I’m in Australia, I’m out of time! *panic*

Give me twenty minutes?